She said her name was "party"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
