I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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