Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
