I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
