Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
