If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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