Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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