So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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