We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
