Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
