I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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