is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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