good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
