well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
