I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
