The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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