I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
