my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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