Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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