so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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