Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
