I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
