the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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