Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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