Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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