You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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