my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
