Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
