Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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