Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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