i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
