Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
