So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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