I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
