The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
