I'm so fucking centered right now
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
