she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
40s are totally the cure
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
