i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
