He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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