I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
