I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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