Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
