he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
