He had one of those small greek statue penises
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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