On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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