Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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