I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
