we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
