he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
