We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
