i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
