i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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