just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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