You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
